Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
