I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
