note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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