you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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