so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize