I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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