You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
