mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
