the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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