I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
