you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
