Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
