I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
