Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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