and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this just has baby written all over it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
