I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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