Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
