I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
