I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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