Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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