Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I understand Curling. That high.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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