Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They should really pass out barf bags in church
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
