I feel like I'm in dance class right now
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
