:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
