you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
