I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
