In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
