Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
