hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize