so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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