She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
