Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
