My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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