I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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