It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize