Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
