Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
