Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
