if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
