she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't notice because vodka
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
