Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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