Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
