I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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