were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
