I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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