oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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