I don't have enough holes for all these australians
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
