from now on my penis is your penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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