Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
