I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize