my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
