so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
