I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sponge bath it is.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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