I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
