Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
