Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize