I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well you can't waste a boner
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
