It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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