I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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