I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
