mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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