i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
