I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
