you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
