No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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