The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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