your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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