apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
