Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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