her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
