the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
