Its about making memories worth repressing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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