my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
