I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
