Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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