But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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