Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
