so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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