it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
