the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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