That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
