i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
