My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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