i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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