If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
