how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
