Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dont even know how to be here
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize